Saturday, September 24, 2005


Threaded does his bit for Anglo-Danish relations

Went to look at a prospective house purchase in Dianalund and met my first two obnoxious Danish people. I've lived in Denmark for a good few years and always knew there were some deep dark secrets such as where do they hide the ugly women, and where do the nutters live, for example. I've traveled all over Denmark, and must admit I've never actually tried to search them out.

Today I found not one, but two obnoxious Danish people and what is more, they are close neighbours and one appears to live in an adjoining property to the one I went to view.

I drove out in one of my Italian tractors and the house is in a wildlife conservation area so not so much on a country road as at the end of a dirt track. Anyways my navigator failed me by not taking me to the front door; an additional reason to drive slowly was because of the pot holes. Eventually reach a fork in the road so I had to stop and ask directions.

I sees a guy out in his garden. Pulls up. Gets out and shows him the picture of the house. "Do you know where this house is?" I enquire.

"This is not a race track." was the reply.

"Wibble?" says I

"This is not a race track."

The chaps wife comes out. I show her the picture, "Do you know where this house is?" I enquire again.

She looks up the road and is starting to tell me when the man starts shouting at her. Another first for Denmark! I have not seen public domestic violence out here. Thought that was another peculiar English custom I would never have to witness again. Anyway the ladies eye movements where good enough directions for me and off I went.

A few hundred meters further there was another fork in the road. Same scenario, except this time it was an older lady who started ranting about horses and children. Whether she liked them or disliked them I could not quite fathom. Decided that discretion was the better part of valour and took an educated guess as to which road to take.

Now the garden for the house is 17213 sq m and heavily wooded so the chances of seeing the neighbour over the garden fence, so to speak, are vanishingly small.

So my question to the congregation is: should I ask for a reduction in the price because of the loonie neighbours or do you think that would actually add value by having genuine banjo playing country inbreeds living next door to my country idyll?

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